unspeakablehorrorhttps://amplifi.casa/@/unspeakablehorror@fediverse.blog/atom.xml2019-09-10T01:28:47.811509+00:00<![CDATA[Thoughts on Managing Neuroticism]]>https://fediverse.blog/~/LoftwingsAndDemons/neuroticism/2019-09-10T01:28:47.811509+00:00unspeakablehorrorhttps://fediverse.blog/@/unspeakablehorror/2019-09-10T01:28:47.811509+00:00<![CDATA[<p>One of the things I have been trying to work on as I've gotten older is my neuroticism. I'm a very, well, high anxiety person and when I was a kid, I often felt like almost everything and everyone in the world was out to get me. Obviously this was very bad for my social development, so I've tried very hard to introduce more balanced thought processes so that I can better interact with people.</p>
<p>On the one hand, personality is a sticky feature, and neuroticism is a personality trait. Indeed my experience bears this out, because as an adult I still seem to have a lot of anxiety about even fairly innocuous situations and my brain still tends to focus a lot on the negatives of any given situation. On the other hand, I also strongly feel that it's possible to devise coping strategies for the negative aspects of one's personality. I also feel that neuroticism is not necessarily something merely to be coped with, but also can confer positive advantages if one employs good management techniques. So I want to talk a bit about some things I think have been helpful for me.</p>
<p>One aspect of neuroticism is that you perceive a lot of situations in a negative and critical light. This is not always bad. You cannot fix problems that you do not notice in the first place, and neuroticism can help you notice those problems! Of course, it can also cause you to perceive problems that aren't really there via various misunderstandings, and that in itself is a problem. Which neuroticism can also help you notice, since it helps you notice problems.</p>
<p>Now, if we notice problems, we can work on fixing them. At this step we may need to address runaway feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that neuroticism can contribute to. What needs to be done here I think is to break problems down into smaller pieces or reduce their scope so that the problem of solving them will no longer seem insurmountable. One thing to address is that overwhelming feeling that whenever you look at a really large problem like climate change or poverty and feel a sense of hopelessness at the sheer scope of it. At times like these, it's important to remember that your actions can make a difference, but that your actions alone cannot solve these problems by themselves. Also you will need to work with other people to magnify those actions, so it helps to think of how you can best encourage yourself to do that.</p>
<p>Another place where neuroticism can be bad is when confronting large personal problems. Even though the scale of these problems is much smaller, they are still capable of causing you immense harm, so concern is warranted. However, it can be necessary to also manage that concern since concern itself can contribute to feelings of hopelessness, which ultimately don't help us at all.</p>
<p>For this, one thing I personally find helpful is spite. When I see a personal problem that seems too big for me to solve, I have a tendency to feel overwhelming despair or panic. But I also know that there are people out there who would love to see me fail or die, and I very dearly do not want to give them the satisfaction of that outcome. So then I feel like I must try my best even though I am not guaranteed to succeed because otherwise I am just letting those people win. Maybe I will not succeed, but at least I will also not concede.</p>
<p>I am fortunate in that I have possessed a large quantity of spite for as long as I can remember. I think people often assume that there can be no redeeming qualities for such a trait, but again I think it is all about how it is managed. </p>
<p>Another problem my neuroticism causes is that it makes building trust in other people difficult. For this I know that I have to actively exert effort to recognize the positive qualities in others that I know they have. However, my neuroticism about my behavior has helped me to understand the scope of this problem as I've gotten older and learned more about myself and the people around me. I think one way to help manage this aspect of neuroticism is by employing gentle self-criticism and self-examination (which neuroticism can help with) to help recognize when I am not properly considering my own tendencies and limitations. Also helpful here is to have some external and consistent way to judge situations, like examining the facts and applying logic to such situations. This is a problem I am still actively working on, and has been one of the major obstacles of my life, but I think I have seen some improvement here as I've gotten older.</p>
<p>Anyway, that's just a couple of thoughts on some things I've found helpful to manage my neuroticism. Everyone is different, so this will not necessarily be helpful to all or even most other people who share this trait with me. But perhaps a few may find these thoughts useful, so I thought I should write them down somewhere.</p>
<p>Do you have any thoughts on what may be helpful for managing this trait? Feel free to let me know in the comments if you'd like!</p>
]]><![CDATA[Thoughts on Socializing and Criticism]]>https://fediverse.blog/~/LoftwingsAndDemons/thoughts-on-socializing-and-criticism/2019-07-30T21:41:56.831227+00:00unspeakablehorrorhttps://fediverse.blog/@/unspeakablehorror/2019-07-30T21:41:56.831227+00:00<![CDATA[<p>I really want to be better at making friends. One conundrum I have is that the easiest way to do that is to focus on discussing things you both already agree with. It's naturally easier to coordinate and work together on those things, and most of what I've seen of actual healthy interaction falls into this category. The problem is that I also feel it encourages stasis in attitudes and behaviors, and that it encourages, at best, looking the other way when your friend does something wrong rather than actually intervening. And at worst it leads to defending friends over others regardless of whether those friends are at fault or how much harm they have done. And I don't think that's overall a good thing. I think a lot of people rightfully criticize privileging friends in these ways when they see this behavior in others, but then perpetuate these things themselves to keep their own friendships running smoothly. And if a standard is one that we only hold other people to, but not ourselves, then it's not a very useful standard at all. At the same time, I think there's a very real issue with the way conflicts of this sort are usually handled--like I think there's a reason that most people reserve this kind of direct criticism only for strangers or ex- or soon to be ex-friends. But I feel like there has to be a constructive way to handle these kinds of disagreements, without choosing either to ignore these issues or to antagonize all of one's friends into becoming ex-friends. I just don't know what that would be, hence why I am reluctant to criticize people I'd like to continue spending time around (and also because I dislike confrontation to begin with).</p>
<p>But I will say I'd like to be able to better give and receive these kinds of criticisms and have everyone involved feel that they're being treated fairly. I mean part of it is that I don't want to have to choose between having values and having friends, but the other part of it is that I know I'm not perfect either and if people felt more comfortable criticizing me, then that could help me to understand their positions better and adopt better values myself. I think part of the problem is the tendency to think of people as good or bad people rather than thinking of them as holding various positions, some of which may be good, others of which may be bad <em>in the same person</em>. It's just like knowledge. It isn't the case usually that one person is more knowledgeable than another about every conceivable thing, but rather that both people know some things that the other person doesn't. Though I can understand the reasoning behind it, I think the teacher-student paradigm presents a false hierachy, because it's not that one person is an active teacher of another while the other passively absorbs information, but that we all have the capability to both teach and learn from each other. And that's why I wish I knew better strategies for criticizing people and for helping other people feel more comfortable with constructively criticizing me. Because I think we all have things we can teach each other about how to be better people.</p>
]]><![CDATA[US Amazon Strike on Amazon Prime Day ]]>https://fediverse.blog/~/LoftwingsAndDemons/title/2019-07-12T22:45:23.270602+00:00unspeakablehorrorhttps://fediverse.blog/@/unspeakablehorror/2019-07-12T22:45:23.270602+00:00<![CDATA[<p>The first major US strike against Amazon will occur for 6 hours during July 15, 2019, part of Amazon Prime Day (July 15-16). More information here:</p>
<p><a href="https://www.vox.com/2019/7/8/20686109/amazon-workers-prime-day-strike" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.vox.com/2019/7/8/20686109/amazon-workers-prime-day-strike</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.geekwire.com/2019/amazon-warehouse-workers-plan-prime-day-strike-companys-scale-comes-scrutiny/" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.geekwire.com/2019/amazon-warehouse-workers-plan-prime-day-strike-companys-scale-comes-scrutiny/</a></p>
<p>The strike will take place at a Shakopee, Minnesota warehouse. The Awood Center has provided assistance with organizing the strike:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.awoodcenter.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer">http://www.awoodcenter.org/</a></p>
<p>The Awood Center is a Minnesota based organization. Their mission statement is as follows:</p>
<p>"The Awood Center is a place for the East African Community to learn, defend our rights at work, and build East African worker power."</p>
<p>You can show solidarity with the striking workers by boycotting Amazon during the strike.</p>
<p><strong>Please feel free to copy-paste or otherwise distribute the information in this post!</strong></p>
]]><![CDATA[A Short Introduction of a Fanfic Writer]]>https://fediverse.blog/~/LoftwingsAndDemons/a-short-autobiography/2019-06-01T02:25:41.364648+00:00unspeakablehorrorhttps://fediverse.blog/@/unspeakablehorror/2019-06-01T02:25:41.364648+00:00<![CDATA[<p>Here's a short autobiography. I wrote this partly to test this platform, but it's also an attempt to introduce the kinds of things I talk about.</p>
<p>I am a fanfiction writer for Star Wars and Legend of Zelda. I really enjoy talking about writing and fanfiction and my particular fan interests, though I may not always know how to articulate my thoughts. I am very partial to villains, for example Lord Ghirahim from Legend of Zelda and General Grievous, Palpatine, Darth Plagueis, and Darth Maul from Star Wars. I also have a number of interests, including math, science, politics, and cooking.</p>
<p>My stories, from oldest to newest, are as follows: </p>
<p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/2641376/chapters/5898041" rel="noopener noreferrer">Ascent</a></p>
<p>Rating: T</p>
<p>Length: Multi-chapter</p>
<p>Status: Ongoing</p>
<p>Summary: Set in an AU where Ghirahim rises from the lowly Fool of the Demon King Releris to the ruler of all the Lower Realms. But as the demon lord tries to destroy the Seal and take the sunlit lands of the surface for the demons, he encounters resistance... </p>
<p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/5966539/chapters/13711855" rel="noopener noreferrer">Cut Strings</a></p>
<p>Rating: T</p>
<p>Length: Multi-chapter</p>
<p>Status: Ongoing</p>
<p>Summary: After his success in an important battle, General Grievous is made an offer he can't refuse in the form of upgrades to his cyborg body. But the surgery is more than what it seems, and leads to some startling revelations about Count Dooku and Darth Sidious. </p>
<p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/14044029" rel="noopener noreferrer">Little Lost Maul</a></p>
<p>Rating: G</p>
<p>Length: One-shot</p>
<p>Status: Complete</p>
<p>Plagueis and Palpatine lose their tiny Sith Apprentice during a vacation to Yavin IV, and now must search for him.</p>
<p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/10944309/chapters/24353307" rel="noopener noreferrer">Heart of Shadow</a></p>
<p>Rating: T</p>
<p>Length: Multi-chapter</p>
<p>Status: Ongoing</p>
<p>While on a routine mission to recover secrets from the reclusive Nightsisters, Sidious is tricked by Mother Talzin into accepting a power even he may not be able to handle. When Darth Plagueis becomes infected with it as well, the Sith Order spins into disarray. But Sith do not give up easily, even if their Grand Plan may require some--recalibration. </p>
<p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/16720698" rel="noopener noreferrer">Rescue</a></p>
<p>Rating: M</p>
<p>Length: One-shot</p>
<p>Status: Complete</p>
<p>During a mission to Coruscant, things go wrong, and Hera meets a former Jedi named Ahsoka Tano. Sometimes people have to rescue each other. </p><div><br></div><div>Those are all links to my Archive of Our Own account, but I also have a fanfiction.net account where you can find most of my fic as well. I opted not to put the latest one on ffnet because I'm rather wary of their policy on mature content given their history, even though I don't think my mature content is particularly objectionable in any way. I'm also not a huge fan of ffnet's interface--I think AO3 is just better overall. </div><div><br></div><div> I like to discuss my experiences with writing, though I hesitate to give advice on how one should write as I think that's very contextual. I'm more accustomed to writing long stories than short ones, but I think I got a lot out of writing the shorter ones, all of which have been done for fic exchanges. I like a good mix of pathos and humor, but I have a very finicky and particular sense of humor. I focus a lot on characterization, plot, and themes in my writing. </div><div><br></div><div> I think one area I could use improvement in is description, as I sometimes forget to write any. It's not something I tend to like a lot of when reading, but I do think there's a difference between minimalist description and insufficient description, and I think I do sometimes tend towards the latter. I intentionally try to use simpler and shorter words in my writing a lot of the time for stylistic reasons, but I don't completely avoid longer or more complex terms.<p></p>
<p>In regards to fanfiction, I tend to like AU's that keep the original genre intact: for example, still a sci-fi setting if the original story is a sci-fi, and still a fantasy setting if the original story is a fantasy. I'm a big fan of the enemies to lovers trope, which shows up in a number of my stories. </p></div><div><br></div><div> I don't think fanfiction is inherently lesser than any other type of fiction, but I don't think it's inherently better, either. The primary difference is that fanfiction builds on elements specific to modern popular culture stories, whereas original fiction tends to build on or reference older popular culture stories or story elements. That's pretty much the only consistent difference I can see. The distinction only exists because of the draconian way modern copyright works. </div><div><br></div><div> I also sometimes talk about math and science. I especially enjoy astrophysics, biology, and chaos theory, but I have many other interests as well. I am also very interested in tech and tinkering with my devices, as well as being interested in open source software. In fact a big part of the reason I became interested in Plume is its open source, decentralized nature. </div><div><br></div><div> I am also interested in cooking, gardening, food storage, and all things related to food. I'm no expert gardener or master chef, I just like eating good food and preventing waste.<p></p>
<p>When I'm relaxing, I like to read, play videogames, or watch the occasional television series or movie. </p></div><p></p>
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